


If I Saw You In Heaven

by dragonfly_moonlight



Series: Heaven [2]
Category: Mach GoGoGo | Speed Racer
Genre: Angst, Drama, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-30
Updated: 2011-06-30
Packaged: 2017-10-20 21:37:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/217341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonfly_moonlight/pseuds/dragonfly_moonlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part Two of the Heaven series. A brother mourns his loss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Saw You In Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Speed Racer or the song "Tears In Heaven". Speed Racer is owned by Speed Racer Enterprises and "Tears In Heaven" is owned and performed by Eric Clapton. I do not profit financially from this story.

_"Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven? Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?"_

Racer X pulled into his garage and closed the door. Once within the safety of his home, he took off his mask and set it on the counter, becoming Rex Racer. He had just won another race but it meant nothing to him. The competition had been too easy. Nothing had been the same since . . . since his brother had passed away.

'I still don't understand. Why did he have to die? He was a fighter. Speed should have been able to fight that illness. He should have been there, giving me grief. . .'

Yet, Rex had no answers. Speed had passed away a year ago, quietly into the night. He died without ever knowing who he was. Rex had hoped that it had been a dream, a bad dream from which he could wake up and see his toughest competition on the tarmac, ready for another race. The hope had dimmed over the course of a few months. The Mach 5 never reappeared on the racetrack and the denial Rex had been in had given way to the cold harsh reality: Speed Racer was dead.

'Please forgive me, Speed. I should have told you sooner.'

Rex sat down on his couch and stared blankly at the floor. For the first time, since Speed's funeral, tears welled up in his eyes. He tried to fight them, a desperate attempt to keep his vow to himself that he would not weep, but his grief had become too strong. It overpowered him and he curled up on the couch, heaving great sobs as he thought of a life that would never be lived.

"Why? Why did you leave, Speed?" he whispered into the darkness. "Why couldn't you stay with us? Don't you know how much you're missed?"

Rex closed his eyes and continued to weep until sleep overtook him.

* * * 

_"Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven? Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?"_

The engine of the Mach 5 roared into life and sprang onto the track, its white and pristine appearance outshining the rest of the cars on the track. Rex saw it as clear as day and behind the wheel sat his brother, a smile plastered on his face. He beamed with pride as the young man he was proud to call his brother climbed out of the car and walked towards him, a hand outstretched.

"Speed . . ."

"Rex . . ." the younger Racer nodded, still smiling.

"How did you. . ."

"Know?" Speed shrugged. "Guess I've just always known."

Rex couldn't take it anymore. He started crying.

"Speed, I'm so sorry . . ."

"Sorry about what, Rex?"

"For not being there when you needed me the most," he choked out. "If I had just gotten there sooner . . ."

Rex buried his face in his hands. He couldn't stand to look at his brother, knowing he had let him down. A strong arm wrapped around his shoulder. He looked at the young, kind face that gazed back at him.

"Rex, you've always done your best to watch over me but you couldn't help me this time. No one could. You couldn't have prevented me getting sick anymore than what I could have prevented you from leaving home. That's just how life works."

"But it isn't fair Speed. You still shouldn't have died. You should still be out there, racing and giving everyone holy hell. You have no idea of how lonely it is since you've left."

"And what makes you think I'm not out there, Rex? What makes you think that I've left you or anyone else? I can never truly leave you . . . not unless you push me away."

"I would never push you away," he whispered. "You're my brother. I love you."

"But you have pushed me away, Rex," Speed pointed out. "Every minute you refuse to grieve and remember, the more you push me away and the harder it is for me to remain with you. Just open your heart, Rex. I'll always be with you. Always."

* * * 

_"Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure, and I know there'll be no more tears in heaven."_

Rex opened his eyes. It had been a dream. Nothing more. Nothing less. Speed never knew who he was and couldn't possibly know in death. His brother resided in Heaven, a place he would never be able to see. He'd never be able to find the peace and resolution that he sought.

~"Are you sure of that, Rex?"~

He bolted up and looked around wildly. The voice . . . it had been Speed's. He was sure of it. Yet, he saw no one.

'But it couldn't have been Speed's. He's dead.'

Then Rex remembered his dream and remembered something his mother had told him at a race two weeks after his brother had died. Speed had not truly died for her. He still lived in her heart and always would so long as she loved him and carried his memory with her. She took comfort in that belief, though it would never be the same without him.

~"I'll always be with you, Rex. Always."~

For a brief moment, Rex imagined he saw his brother standing in front of him, a bright smile on his face. He looked as he did before the sickness had hit him and robbed him of his life then the image was gone. Rex smiled and nodded to himself.

"I know, Speed. I know."


End file.
